Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
