Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
