Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
