You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
