im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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