im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
