I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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