My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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