Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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