When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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