Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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