I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
