I puked a lego.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
