I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
