Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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