i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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