i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
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