fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
