She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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