I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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