So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
