my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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