But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
