Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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