dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
