think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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