When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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