Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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