Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
