very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just had sex bonerless
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
