I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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