Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
