It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
