i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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