I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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