ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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