I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
