Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
