I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
