well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize