If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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