I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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