You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
