No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
