70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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