I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
