i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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