that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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