I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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