I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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