Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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