Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
