Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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