We need to rekindle our bromance
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
