Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
