Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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