i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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