why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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