Yo dont text me then not text me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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