The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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